Making A Difference

Starfish, Revisited

My most popular post, based on what types of searches bring new people to this blog, is one I wrote when I just started this site, over four years ago, referencing the Starfish story. 

(If you don't know it, the gist of the original story is that one person can make a difference through their seemingly small actions.  My own take on this in my blog post was: yes, and, how can we still look for points of leverage to make impact on a larger scale?)

Of all the posts I've written over the past 4 1/2 years, what makes this post so popular, I've wondered?  What are people looking for when they Google "starfish story" and wind up here?

To me, it seems that there is a hunger for meaning and purpose in our world.  Economic downturn, global warming, ethnic violence, or war: it can all feel overwhelming and out of any individual's control.  How can I, Joe Schmo, impact any of these trends?  I see many people alternating between apathy, overwhelm and a sense of victimization as they consider what they can do.

Without downplaying what is true or real about these seemingly daunting issues -- the economy is down, the seas are warming, people are killing each other -- I think that we, individually and collectively, have more impact that we think.  We have more individual and collective power than we could possibly imagine. 

To quote Marianne Williamson: 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

She goes on:

"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do... It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

My sense from this quote, and the yearning for the messages of the Starfish story, is that it is time -- high time -- for us to individually and collectively wake up from our fears, our dream state of inadequacy, powerlessness and smallness, and harness our birthright of power and impact.  

The starfish, the oceans, the children, me -- we all need you to do so.

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How does the Starfish story speak to you?

How will you step further into your light, your power, your purpose, your liberation from fear, today?

State of Learning

"We are by nature observers, and thereby learners. That is our permanent state." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

As part of my natural state of learning, during the past two years I've been expanding my individual leadership coaching practice to also include coaching teams and systems. 

I'm excited to announce that I'll be taking a new step in my own development in team and systems work by undertaking a process to become certified in organization and relationship systems coaching (ORSC) during the next year.

As part of the certification program (which I will formally start in October), I am looking for new or established partnerships (work, couples, or family), teams and systems to practice with as I hone my skills.  Since taking introductory training in this model in 2007, I've been using this model heavily in both my individual and team coaching work, and have seen amazing results with it.

Since I'll be in learning mode, I'll be offering **special reduced rates** for this work, and would greatly appreciate any referrals you can make! 

If you, your team or organization or others you know might benefit from this type of work, please contact me!

**UPDATE:  I still have a limited number of slots open for this opportunity! 

Whether at work or at home, relationship systems coaching can help create clarity, promote more effective communication, and ultimately produce greater results through improved relationship systems of teams, families or groups.

If you are ready to unleash your best in your personal or professional relationships, contact me!**

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How can you nurture your natural state of learning?

Choose your view

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way." -- Charles Dickens

Is this the darkest era of our society, or a time of unlimited possibility?  Is the US economy dying or merely "right-sizing"? 

More than just simply labeling these viewpoints as "optimistic" or "pessimistic", it's important to notice that how we choose to look at situations changes our outcomes. 

I'm reminded of the fable of the blind men and the elephant.  A story originally from India, the core of the tale is of a group of blind men encountering an elephant for the first time.

Each blind man touches a different part, but only one part, such as the side or the tusk. They then compare notes on what they felt -- "an elephant is a wall!" "no, no, an elephant is like a sharp spear!" --  and learn they are in complete disagreement as to what an elephant is.  

"Reality" and "truth" vary depending upon our perspective, meaning that what can seem like an absolute truth is actually quite subjective based on what data we choose to use to gather and create our hypothesis.  Our beliefs in turn drive our actions.

Whether you are faced with diminishing resources within your organization, a lay-off, or a serious illness, is a door opening or closing?  How you choose to look at and respond to the situation -- as an opportunity to reorganize, reinvent, or reprioritize -- is up to you.

As Emerson says, "This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it."

What perspective(s) will you choose today? 
How does your perspective influence the actions you take?

Love vs. Fear

"I believe that at every level of society - familial, tribal, national and international - the key to a happier and more successful world is the growth of compassion. We do not need to become religious, nor do we need to believe in an ideology. All that is necessary is for each of us to develop our good human qualities." -- The 14th Dalai Lama

In the midst of the turbulent world we find ourselves in today, I am noticing a tendency lately - globally, economically, inter-personally - to contract, to pull away, to shrink energetically.  Economies, jobs, and even ourselves: we are pulling our own internal resources  in closer.  Circling the wagons.  Battening the hatches.

Because things seem hard, scary, unsure, unstable.  It feels harder to take a risk, or try new things.  Things that felt within arm's reach not too long ago seem to feel further away today.  The fear of the unknown, that sense of contraction, makes the bar seem higher. 

One of my teachers says that every decision is a choice between love and fear.   It is an act of courage and leadership to take the leap, to stretch into the void, the unknown - and especially to choose love and compassion in the face of not only your internal fears, but the global fears present in the very air we breathe lately.

What will you choose today?

Just do your job

Author Elizabeth Gilbert, famous for her bestseller Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia, suggested Thursday at the TED conference that we kill geniuses by demanding super-human powers from them. 

Super-human in that geniuses - not just great artists but anyone who requires creativity to do their work - are often judged by their ability to produce brilliant material measured by unbelievably high standards.

Instead of creativity or genius coming from within individuals, Gilbert suggested that creativity instead is a gift bestowed upon us from the cosmic communal pool, and that our job is merely to show up and be open to receiving it.  She advised the audience:

"Just do your job.  Continue to show up for your piece of it. If your job is to dance, then do your dance.  If the divine, cockeyed genius assigned to your case decides to let some sort of wonderment be glimpsed for just one moment for your efforts, then Ole. And if not, do your dance anyhow. Ole to you, nonetheless, just for having the sheer human love and stubbornness to keep showing up."

More evidence for Woody Allen's adage that 90% of life is about showing up...

What are you showing up for?

How do you tap into the source of your creativity and genius?

Life as experiment

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.

        - Emerson

One of the stories that my family likes to tell on me is when my mother found my three year old self in the bathroom, making soup/mess/goo from soap, shaving cream, toothpaste and water in the sink.  When asked what I was up to, I replied:  "Look, Mommy!  I makee sper-e-ment!"  (My Dad was a scientist, who often spent time "makee sper-e-ment" in his lab at the university, so no big surprise at where this idea might have come from!)

Later on, as a college student, teaching science to elementary school aged camp kids one summer, I quickly found that all children are really natural scientists:  why is the sky blue?  what happens to the sun when it goes down?  why is it summer?  Great questions!

In my young working life as a scientist (and as a human being), I later learned (often painfully) that the greatest insights and breakthroughs came through a "failed" experiment - that is, learning through trying something that it didn't work as I thought it might.

I notice, though, that something seems to happen to many of us on our way to becoming a "grown-up" - we stop asking questions, and often we stop experimenting.  We fear "failing", looking "dumb", not "knowing".

The cost to not experimenting may not initially appear great - in fact, it may seem easier to follow the hypothesis we feel more sure about.  We are often rewarded - in school, at work, in our families  - for knowing "the answer".

But I also notice what we lose in stopping that experimentation process - the wonder, the possibility, the novelty, and learning.

So, my challenge to you this week is:  experiment!  What do you have to lose?

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What experiment are you longing to run?
What would you gain by experimenting more?

Blossoming

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."  - Anais Nin

I recently re-encountered this quote, after many years apart from it, and it still rings true for me: whether we choose the risk to remain tightly closed as a flower bud or the risk to open and blossom into our full potential flower. 

This quote of course has increased meaning for me here in the time of blooming in the natural world around us - the seasons provide such a great source of information through metaphor for our consideration. 

And whether we choose "closed" or "open" as our position, the opportunity exists to examine both (or certainly other) options equally:  What's the payoff to "closed", to "open"?  And what's the cost - or the pain, as this quote suggests?

Rethinking this quote this time around, I also wonder: is it such a risk to blossom?  Isn't what flowers do naturally anyway?  Have you ever known a living flower not to open?

Perhaps it's less of a real risk for us to blossom, and more of a leap of faith to know that we will blossom in our own way, in our own time, to be our own gorgeous flower.

Healing ourselves, healing the world

If there was an award for great book titles, here would be my nomination: "A Big New Free Happy Unusual Life: self-expression and spiritual practice for those who have time for neither".  It so accurately captures what many of us are seeking.

Given to me as a gift from my sweetie, I've barely dug into it yet, but found a gem in just a few pages in... a quote from one of my favorite teachers, Thich Naht Hahn:

To heal the world, we must first heal ourselves.

A-ha!  Yes!  This quote sums up one of the reasons that coaching social change agents vitally important to me: the changes we want to see in the world must originate from us, and be reflected by us.  Substitute your mission here: in order to have X (peace, justice, equity, freedom, etc.) in the world, we must have (peace, justice, equity, freedom, etc.) in ourselves first.

It's easy in our drive to make significant change to forget that it does begin within ourselves.  We create and reflect our world in our daily actions - and vice versa.

It's a life-long quest we're on, to impact positive change in the world.  Perhaps the change you dream of is not a destination that anyone can acheive in a lifetime, but it is the process and the path that matter.  A path that starts from you, out into your bigger world.

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How do the changes you are working on in the world originate from and reflect your own growth & development?

Patience/Impatience

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to be back at my alma mater (Go Heels!) for a project coaching teams.  I met some great new folks, got inspired and reconnected to topics, a place and old friends and colleagues.

At the close of the week's session, the director of the project gave some great advice for those of us working on social change projects:

Be both patient and impatient, she said.

Patient with the fact that the changes we are trying to impact take time.  Not just months, but years, decades, often lifetimes.

And impatient: with the fact that there are big social issues that need to be changed.  Issues that need our energy, commitment and passion in order to change.

We need both: patience with the glacial pace of change, impatience to make the change happen.

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How does this idea of patience/impatience apply to your projects?

Life's weather

Living in Minnesota, my husband likes to quote the Norwegian saying "There is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing." 

While it's not been much of a typical winter here (or anywhere) this year, this saying gave me a shift in perspective when I first heard it. 

Can't do much about the weather; can put on clothes that allow you to be out in it.

It's an analogy that can translate to our lives as well.  Jon Kabat-Zinn teaches about how our interpretation of life's experience can be like the weather.  Being able to see our emotions and opinions about our experience as storms or temporary showers that will blow by, rather than getting swept away in a torrent that we've created, can allow us to actually experience what is real in the present moment.

Life's weather will come and go, regardless of our opinion or desires.  We can choose how we want to be in it - collar turned up, head down, bearing the brunt of it - or prepared, aware and observant, dry inside our good clothing.

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How do you choose to experience life's weather?