Hanna Cooper

The Way of Gratitude

If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice.  - Meister Eckhart

I recently finished reading "365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life " by John Kralik.  It's an amazing account of how one small consistent action - thanking people in his personal and professional life for their contributions and actions - produced incredible results, both small and large, in the author's life and in those around him.

This book resonated for me in a number of ways.   I'm a big believer in expressing gratitude and acknowledgement, in part because it is a seeming rarity in many areas of life and yet makes an enormous difference when we do it.  I think the people, and in fact the world, hungers to be acknowledged not just for what we do but how we do what we do.

The book also connected for me because it's not rocket science: it's what your grandma told you to do.  It's small, it's actionable, as well as meaningful.  Repeated often, gratitude becomes a way of life, a way of being.

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Where do you want to express more gratitude in your own life?
What's something small and actionable you can do today to express it?

All 88 Keys

The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice.  And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds. -- R. D. Laing

One of my own personal values is represented by a metaphor that I call "All 88 Keys", representing the 88 keys on a piano keyboard.

What does this mean?  For me, this value is about range, our full expression as human beings: creativity, possibility, many pathways to a goal or an end.

This value is important to me because it's something I want, both for me and for the clients I work with: a sense of operating from our full range.  My experience is that most of us, including me, tend to play within a relatively small and prescribed range, zone, or octave. 

What I want for myself, and for my individual and team clients, is ability to stretch, to reach, even just slightly out of the comfort zone, to be able to access higher and lower points in our own personal keyboard.  The higher or lower notes of life themselves aren't the important thing; the possibility exists in the ability to access them for use in composing our own life's symphony.

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What range do you currently allow yourself?
What possibilities might you create, if you reach?

Who do you want to be when you grow up?

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

What do you want to be when you grow up?  Or perhaps, more importantly, who do you want to be?
 
One of the first things I ask both individual and organizational clients to do is a process of values clarification.  In coaching we describe values as being who we are at our core, differentiated from morals or ethics - which also are important, but externally derived. 

The importance of values clarification - which is a life-long process, not a one-time event - is that by understanding and identifying your own personal or organizational values, is that they can be harnessed as a road map or a set of guiding principles to align your actions and choices. 

To identify your own values, respond to these questions below, and look for themes or patterns that you could identify as values.  Values might emerge as single words, word strings, phrases or metaphors.   (And for something fun, try this cool tool to make a word cloud of your values, like mine above!)


1.    Think about a peak moment in time – a time when you were at your best.  Where were you, who was with you, what was happening, describe how you felt.



2.    Think about an inspirational person in your life, or real/historical hero/heroine – what draws you to this person?



3.    Think about something that makes you angry, upset, frustrated – what is important that is being stepped on?



4.    What is something you must have in your life or you feel like part of you may die?



5.    What do people tease you about or what about you drives others crazy?



6.    Your hobbies – things you do for enjoyment – what do you love about this activity?



7.    How do you spend your free time?  What about this is important to you?



8.    What is something that moves you?



9.    What are you deeply passionate about – why?



10.    What is something in others that you don’t like – what is important that is being stepped on?

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What difference does it make in your life to be clear about your values?
How might your values be a guide in becoming you who you want to be?

It's all in how you look at it

Wherever you go, there you are. - Anon

They say travel broadens your horizons, and from my experience it certainly can, but not always in the ways you might expect.  I get to travel occasionally for my work, with the amazing benefits of meeting and interacting with whole new sets of people, seeing new and interesting places, and having brand new experiences. 

Sometimes travel creates novelty in life, and sometimes it purely offers different view point:  taking a short trip out of town recently with my family, I came back after just a few days more deeply appreciating my surroundings, my home, and my relationships with those I live with daily.  My environment, house and family hadn't changed, but my perspective had.

So much of life is about our perspective, how we choose to see any particular situation.  I liken it to the cliche of getting out of the wrong side of bed in the morning: if we see things as trouble, we seem to generate trouble to fit our theory.  

Stepping out of our usual story about how things are (or should be) allows us to see what is truly present with fresh eyes and new options, whether or not the situation or conditions have actually changed.

Where could you use a new perspective?
What perspective will you choose?

Life's work

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it - Buddha

I didn't discover my life's work as a professional coach easily or overnight; if anything, coaching as a profession found me. 

Ten years ago, I'd thought I'd found my calling as a supervisor of public health education programs. 

What I loved about supervising - and was really good at - was clearing the path so that my staff could best use their own gifts and talents.  And, I loved watching that happen, knowing I was assisting in their learning and growth.

Then, in 2000, I heard about this thing called "coaching": it sounded kind of cool.  So I did an informational interview with the sister of a friend of mine, who was one of the first certified coaches in my state.  As she talked about what she did and who she worked with, I thought:  That's it!  That's the name of what I'm already doing!

And then, I got scared.  In fact, so scared that I put off getting professionally trained as a coach.  For four years. 

I was too busy, I couldn't make the time in my schedule, I had too many other things and people to attend to.

Of course, I eventually did take the training - during one of the craziest, most complex times of my life.  So much for excuses.  And I haven't looked back since. 

I've found my life's work.   And, while I give my heart to it, the biggest gift is that my work also gives back to me in ways I never thought work could do.

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What's your work?

How do you give your heart to it? 

Lessons from the violin

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu

My 7 year old son has been taking violin lessons for the past 6 months - a complicated delicate task with many components to the learning.  Like all beginning violin students, he is learning how to hold the violin with just enough pressure from his chin and hands -- but not too much. 

In his last lesson, his teacher was using a variety of methods to work with his left hand's near death grip on the delicate instrument.  Learning to relax his hand, she said, will allow him to have more physical and musical range, play faster, as well as be able to learn new songs sooner.  Without relaxing his hand he could also run the risk of injuring himself long term.

From this experience, I've been pondering the lesson of loosening the grip - not just on violins, but in life - and how doing so can allow us to access more of our potential. 

As humans we seem to cling to what we know, fearing what is "over there" in the unknown, that which is yet to be.  However, novelty, possibility, expanded range, and yes, even joy also exist in what we don't yet know.  In fact, it's known that we can physically hold more in an relaxed and open hand than a closed fist. 

As Joseph Campbell said, “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”

Where do you need to loosen your grip?
What might be possible if you did?

Getting Messy

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.  - Albert Einstein

Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.  - Abraham Lincoln

Last Fall, I was working with a team that had hit an impasse: they'd accomplished some of their goals with coaching, but still hadn't quite dived to the depths of their core stuff.  Circling, perhaps, but not landing.

Then the proverbial you-know-what hit the fan.  Out "it" came, like someone had finally let the raging tiger out of the cage.  Anger, frustration, blame, defensiveness, and finally, a shut-down.  The coaching session ended without resolution, or a clear way forward.  This happens sometimes in change - that we have to step into the chaos in order to find our way out of it. 

However, in thinking about their system over the next few days, I realized that as their coach, I had missed an opportunity to name and call out issues.  I admitted my failing to them, corrected it (!) and then brought them back to some core work they'd previously done.

When I next met with them, a month later, there'd been a shift in the team: this time, expressing themselves - even in frustration - led to new learning, understanding and opportunity.  A way forward.  The final sessions I coached them through brought them to truly a new place as a team with increased trust, respect, and functioning.

What I took from this experience was:

• It takes great courage to step into chaos - whether it's your own, or someone else's.  Courage not know, not to know where it's going: to be lost, at least momentarily.   This is the place of great learning, if you are willing to notice.

• Willingness to step into the messy stuff can lead the way into something new.  This wasn't the first time I've been offered this learning - wise colleagues of mine gave me some feedback some years back about my own performance:  "When you get messy, you give us permission to get messy, Hanna." 

• Breakthroughs come not from being perfect or knowing the answer or the way forward all the time, but from sticking in there, through the mess, anyway.   Rather than seeing it as failure, to see the breakdown as an opportunity to review, rewind, reposition, reboot.

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What if your failure was an opening for change?

How might you welcome "mess" as a sign of change?

Thank You Day

Today has been named "Public Health Thank You Day" in honor of all those who work to support the health of the public. 

Since I often say that public health professionals are some of  "my people" - I'm one of them, they are me - here's a shout out to all of you who visit and read here:  Thanks for all you do!

And, whether or not you are a public health professional:

Who in your professional or personal circles deserves a Thank You Day?

What are you thankful for, every day?

What you know

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.  -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Despite Mr. Emerson's adage, I love quotations (especially Emerson, ironically) -  and you'll see I use them generously here.  There is something about the wisdom of others expressed in words that seems to help us make sense of our own experience.  Quotations can spur us on, motivate us, give a new perspective on a situation we are facing.

In fact, in this 24-hour news and life cycle we seem to be living in, finding our own voices amidst the background noise and din of others' opinions can be challenging.

In coaching,  we use the concept of values as one way of articulating and creating your path.  Different than morals or ethics, values are who you are at your core.   The coaching perspective holds that deeply fulfilling life comes from true alignment with your own set of values. 

To examine this concept of values more closely for yourself:  think of a time you were at your personal best - either personally or professionally.  What was happening, who was with you, what was in play?  Who were you being?

In this experience, look for what were the personal qualities or characteristics you were demonstrating that made it a personal best.  Translate these into 5-7 prioritized values - we are usually operating from our values when we are at our best.  With your values in mind as a compass, you can begin to look for how best to align your actions in your current life.

Oprah popularized it:  "Tell me what you know for sure."  Even if it's not condensed to a set of personal maxims, what do YOU uniquely know?  What do you use as your own personal guidelines in life?  How do you know you're on track or not?

Trust is an inside job

Trust yourself.  Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life.  Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.  -- Golda Meir

"Our team needs more trust."  "I can't trust them."  "My trust has been broken." 

I hear these words often in my work as a coach.  The yearning for connection in these comments is strong and palpable.  We know that trust is one of seven important relationship strengths of any working relationship: critical to have, difficult to define, painful to lose, challenging to engender when broken.

So what is trust?  From Dictionary.com, it's the "reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, of a person or thing; confidence; confident expectation of something; hope."

Reliance.  Integrity.  Surety.  Confidence.  Hope.  Certainly things we want to demonstrate with others, and to expect from others in our relationships.

Paradoxically, trust, as one of my teachers once said, is first and foremost an inside job.  Meaning that you can't trust others, or expect them to trust you, unless you first trust yourself. 

If you're yearning for more trust in your working or personal relationships, look first to where does trust reside in you.  What does "trust" mean to you?  Where does confidence, hope and surety live in you?  What do you trust about yourself?  If you find you have broken trust with yourself in some way, how can you begin to rely upon your inherent strengths and abilities again?

As we fan even tiny sparks of surety, hope and possibility within ourselves, we can begin or renew the process of building trust with and among others.

Where does the concept of trust as an inside job show up in your life?